Shopping List

     I had to do it. I had to venture into the south Walmart. I dreaded the thought. I drove into the parking lot and my fears were valid. The lot was half full and there were just as many shopping carts in the lot as vehicles. Apparently the store is so severely understaffed, they don't have anyone for "cart patrol" . I knew I was in for a long shopping experience.
     I roamed the store and managed to find everything I had on my shopping list. Now to the checkout line. I knew it was going to be painful. Yep, I was right. All five checkout lines are full. At 5:29 pm, I picked the shortest line. I was wrong. It was the shortest line, but I was riding a turtle. My back was getting sore so I rested my elbows on the handle of the shopping cart. I lifted a foot up onto the bottom rack of the cart. My tin poked me in the hip and I felt the weight of polymer and steel on my hip. I started to daydream of what would happen if someone tried to rob the till in front of me. My stomach reminded me that I only had an English muffin for breakfast and that was 10 hours ago.
     Ok the line moved forward another three feet. I hate coming here. It puts the crab in my apple.
      My turn. The cashier must have detected a bit of hostility on my face as he asked  me if I had found everything I was looking for. I said "yes". He rambled on in a pleasant tone as I loaded my cart as quickly as I could. Finally I was free. Only 23 minutes of actually standing in line. 23 minutes. It was not even a record.
     I pushed my cart to my pickup in the -5 degree weather and loaded my items into the cab. I pushed the empty cart to the cart corral and gave it a shove. My cart rolled up to another cart. This other cart had two Walmart bags in it. Better take a look.
     I picked up the two bags that had been tied shut. I could make out cat food in one of the bags.  Hum, I have a cat. I looked at the other bag, frozen pizzas. I like pizza. But wait, there is something else, no way, it is... the gateway meat. Bacon. Yes, a pound of bacon, just waiting to be rendered into crispy, salty, smokey goodness. On any given shopping day, any combination of these three items could have been on my list.
     A few thoughts went through my mind but only one stuck. I picked up the two bags and started to walk back into the store I hate. I walked up to the greeter and his sidekick and told them that someone had left these bags in a cart in the parking lot. I offered them the bags. In return I received an open-eyed, slack-jawed stare. I said the bags were not mine and extended my arm out to them. The man took the bag, I turned around and I walked out.
     Bacon, pizza and cat food were not on my shopping list.